I have been quite positive about my pregnancy but today I'm going to rant a little.
Who ever came up with the idea that the second trimester is a walk in the park was high as fuck and completely delusional. Perhaps it's just me and everyone else in their second trimester is shitting skittles and content with everything... but this is no breeze and I do not appreciate the false hope.
Granted, the first trimester was worse, but where's the energy I was supposed to get back? Why the hell is the nausea still lurking around every corner? Constant back pain? And what the fuck is up with not being able to sleep at ALL? And the agonizing leg cramps that pop up at all hours of the night. I thought this stuff was reserved for the last trimester, when I became a hippo.
And the whole "walk 30 minutes a day" thing? Screw you. If I could walk more than a mile without thinking I was going to collapse, I would.
I'm just about half way through the pregnancy and I know I've had it easier than many women. I get a second wind at about 6:00, but that's only if I am able to rest immediately after work. But the work day is brutal. At lunch I sit on my couch and wonder how the hell I'm going to complete the day. I do it, with a smile, but that doesn't mean it's easy.
That being said, I know that none of it will matter when I see my sweet baby boy. I know that I'd be more than willing to do it all again. But all those pregnancy book writers are full of shit.
I'm kinda falling in love with being pregnant. I always thought I'd hate being pregnant and that I'd just want it all to hurry up so I could hang with my awesome kid... but now I feel completely different.
I'm loving this.
The leg cramps, 10 trips to the bathroom at night and constant fatigue are absolutely worth it, especially when I feel my son rolling around in there and my sour mood turns to absolute, pure joy. I don't think I've ever felt like this about anything. It's an amazing feeling.
Next week we go to see my OBGYN for a check up and two weeks from that we get to see the baby again, in the ultrasound appointment that we were supposed to find out the gender. I suppose it'll just reaffirm what we already know.
Tomorrow we get the keys to our new house. Life is good.
The book my photo is published in came in the mail yesterday:
It's such a pretty book, I feel proud to be included among so many amazing photographers. I'm now a published artist and it feels good. Granted, I have to share a page with someone else and there's 125 other photographers... but it still feels good. I'm happy they sent me my comp copy before it was available to the public.
It will be available for purchase on amazon.com mid-October. Buy a copy!
Do you know what it's like to loose all of your images as a photographer? Every. Single. Edited. Photo you have taken in the last three years? Well, it feels like your world has crumbled. I know it could be worse, but try telling that to someone in a desperate panic-driven fury who can't see straight because they're crying so hard. I didn't know what to do with myself last night. I paced and then cried in my bed, paced some more and cried again.
Granted, I'm hormonal. But I guarantee I would have reacted the same if I hadn't been pregnant. And today? I'm numb. I don't know what to do with myself. I know how to prevent this from happening again, but that isn't going to bring back my precious images.
I decided to use an external hard drive as my main hub for storing my Lightroom catalogs. I did this to save room on my iMac's hard drive. And now for some reason, I can't access my catalogs on the external, which is the only place they're stored. If I had been thinking clearly, I would have continued to manage my catalog on the iMac and use the external only for back-up. What a shitty way to realize you've made a bad decision.
I will call Apple support tonight after work. Hopefully, by some grace of God, they can recover some of them in a second library or something. Keep your fingers crossed.
I just felt Cooper move for the first time! I thought I had maybe felt him before, but this was for sure him. It was incredible, like a little flutter inside. I was told it would feel like butterflies and that's exactly how it felt. Amazing. I hope I feel it again soon. I do understand that eventually this will get more intense and will be keeping me up at night. That's totally OK with me.
Here's Cooper's most recent photo. The thing that looks like a warlock nose is actually his hand.
We finally got the place we'd been hoping for and it's right next to Auntie Tara and Uncle Nino. Cooper will have his own nursery room now and we will have an extra room for an office/art studio. So exciting. I feel like we are the luckiest couple in the world right now. I love my three boys so much, it's overwhelming.