Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Hello Photo

I'm diving back into photography.

If need photos snapped of your lizard or child or band or car or yourself, I'm your girl. I'm not charging, just trying to get back into shooting.

Let me know.


Resuming A Difficult Diet

Today is day two of hell; no meat and no dairy. I'm back on the vegan wagon.

I forgot how difficult it is to be vegan. I have quite a bit of vegan food in my house, but going out to dinner tonight was challenging.

It will get easier when I get in the groove of this lifestyle. I did it before and I'll do it again. I'm aware that realistically, there will be times when I'll just have to deal with a little bit of dairy in my meal. But if I don't make a conscious effort to do this *fur-real*, I'll never take it seriously.

I have to remember it's for my own good and it will keep me out of pain and able to take care of Cooper to the best of my ability, without doubling over in pain or having to call in sick to work because it hurts to walk.

I think this week will be the hardest. I just have to get through this week. I have to remind myself that the last time I took on this diet, I enjoyed the food I was eating and I loved the way I felt. I loved the energy I had and I loved not being in constant pain.

Thursday, April 14, 2011

In Love

I'm completely in love with my son. I know it is typical for people to say about their children, but it's true.

I left the house for just half an hour to grab some groceries. As I was driving to the store, all I could think about was how much I love my son. I wanted to hurry up and get back to him, in case he missed me.

Every little coo and wimper makes me smile. Even his cry is cute. When I was pregnant I used to rub my belly and imagine what Cooper looked like. I'd talk to my tummy all the time. Now, I talk and sing directly to him and I get to see him smile back.

I'm learning patience I never knew I was possible of posessing. I'm learning how to put someone else first. I'm learning what it means to have someone completely depend on me for everything. It's amazing and I love being Cooper's mommy. I finally feel like I have a true purpose and for the first time in my life, it's clear what my role is. I love it <3

Wednesday, April 13, 2011



Back to the Drawing Board

Since I've had the baby, it's time to start thinking about preventing any endometriosis from coming back. I met with my doctor yesterday, to have the IUD put back in. This is one of my treatments for endometriosis and it's supposed to help prevent the growth of endometriosis and ovarian cysts. They don't recommend you have one unless you've had a child, which might explain why it was so insanely painful the first time it was put in. I didn't feel a thing this time, even though it had to be done twice (the first one was too low). Along with a meat and dairy-free diet and exercise, this seemed to help the abdominal pain. My doctor suggested I cut the dairy and meat out again, since the most notable results occurred when I picked up a vegan diet. I don't have any symptoms, since it's unlikely the endometriosis would come back while I'm breastfeeding. I'm hoping and praying I'll fall into the small group of women who never have the disease come back after they have children. Now all I have to deal with is the temporary cramping that comes with IUD insertion. It's pretty brutal but I think the worst is over. Now we wait.

Monday, April 11, 2011

Not My Thing.

So, I hate breastfeeding. Yeah, I said it. It's just not working for me. It's painful as all hell and nothing is working for me. I have tried everything. I have seen 5 different lactation consultants. None of them can help. I can barely hold my son because my chest hurts so bad, all the time. I have stuck with it for the sake of my son, because I know the benefits to Cooper and he obviously deserves to be as healthy as possible in the first months of his life. But I'm not going to be able to do this much longer. I want to be able to nurse more than anything, I really do. I love looking at Cooper while he nurses and having his sweet little face look back at me... but then I feel the horrible pain that comes along with it and the throbbing pain that creeps up after... and I stop thinking about the good parts of breastfeeding. I really wish this was easier. I feel like I'm the only person that has having this many issues with nursing and it gives me a lot of anxiety. Ugh.

Sunday, April 10, 2011


Our little man is growing fast. he is officially 6 weeks old and I'm in disbelief. He gets cuter every day and everyday I fall more in love with him. I didn't realize how much I would love this little man. Jory and I went on a date tonight. It was our first trip out alone since Cooper was born. Cooper's grandparents babysat for a few hours. I thought it would be a relief, but I couldn't stop looking at my phone. I felt like I just wanted to get back to Cooper. Can you blame me? Thankfully, the weather is warming up, making back yard picnics an option. And photos like this: Cooper had his first play date with Sonny, my dear friend Stephanie's little guy. Sonny is about a month older than Cooper but they are close to the same size. Cooper is such a chunky boy (and a handsome one too!!).
Jory goes back to work tomorrow. I'm excited and terrified all at the same time. I can't believe six weeks have already passed. I will miss having so much time during the week with my family but I will have us all together in the evenings and on weekends. And Jory only works a couple miles away and will be home for lunch every day. It's just a reality check, reminding me that I, too, will eventually have to return to work. It breaks my heart

Saturday, April 9, 2011

Why is it so Difficult?

When Cooper was first born, I survived off of Clif bars. Now, I find myself eating food I know I shouldn't be eating, completely out of convenience. That's why fast food is so successful, obviously. Convenience.

I have to change this, fast. I have to work out a plan to get my diet back on track and get healthy.


Thursday, April 7, 2011

Unsolicited Opinions

It started during pregnancy. I received unsolicited opinions on just about everything. It was incredibly frustrating to me and it continues to this day. I have gotten a comment on just about every decision, from diapers to epidurals to detergent to sleeping arrangements.

I don't like being challenged. I don't like being judged. If I make a decision, it's my decision. I love my son more than anything on this earth, so there clearly is a good reason for any decision I make regarding him.

I suppose it comes with the territory. I'm getting better at brushing it off but it still is insulting, as if I'm not intelligent enough to weigh my options before making a decision as an adult.

That is all.

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Friday, April 1, 2011

Dairy Cow

I'm starting to feel like a dairy cow. My breasts hurt all the time and I sometimes feel like all I do is feed Cooper. I started a free "Baby and Me" mommy group at Kaiser on Thursday and I was told over and over that it gets easier. We shall see. The group was really great and I'm happy I went. It's nice to talk to other new mommies and have people relate to what you're going through. I'm watching Opening Day at the Coliseum on TV, wishing I was at the game. I can't wait to take Cooper to his first game. I suppose I could now, I just am a little nervous about taking the little man to such a busy event. I have been cooking a little, finally. I made a delish vegan dish last night, it was coconut curry on sweet potatoes, yams and crisped tofu with jasmine rice. It was pretty incredible. My biggest challenge is making vegan food not taste like vegan food. I am already craving dairy and wish I didn't have to cut it out... but the flare ups are getting really intense. I feel like I'm falling apart these days and the post-pregnancy healing is still going on. I can't wait to get my energy back and get my diet in order. Cooper and I walked about a mile this evening. I was exhausted when I got home. I never expected it to take me so long to do simple things. It's been 11 1/2 months since I've had a drop of alcohol. I keep saying I'm going to have a glass of wine but end up getting too caught up with Cooper and forget. I have a nice bottle of Coppola's Sofia wine that I've been waiting to open. Perhaps this weekend. So that was my little update. I'm going to try to dive back into this blog soon. We're starting to get a rhythm down with the baby and hopefully he will start sleeping more than 3 hours a night. I can't wait for that day. XO