No thanks.

I'm thinking that if THIS is the example you give the public of your dress making skills, I am not (and will never be) interested in your services.

If only you could see the iridescent sequins.

*sigh*

Things That Make My Life Whole

If you know me well, you probably know that my favorite movie is Step Brothers. I recite quotes daily and have seen the movie more times than any other.

I stumbled upon a free Step Brother's soun dboard application for my phone and any quote from the movie is immediately avaiable at the touch of a screen.

It's pretty much the highlight of my year.

I have quotes like "I am so not a raper", "I know for a fact that Cops doesn't come on 'til 4" and "We will have so much room for activities" at my fingertips. In addition, "Boats N' Hoes" and "Volare" in their full version are available as well.

Pretty effing amazing, if you ask me.

"Last time I heard that I laughed so hard I fell off my dinosaur".

I love my life.

It's Still Sexual Harassment... even if it's in Spanish.

If you're going to harass a woman in Spanish, chances are she can still understand what you mean when you say "Miguel! Look at her boobs!" or "I had a dream about her ass", especially if she lives in a state that borders a major Spanish speaking country. I grew up in California. I took 3 years of Spanish as required by my school district. I lived in a bi-lingual household as a teenager and one of the languages was... you guessed it... Spanish.

It's still sexual harassment, even if it's in another language. So stop it. Fortunately for my harasser, I am not one to raise a fuss or have someones job taken from them for something so petty and immature. Fortunately for me, I had a quick comeback line and walked away just as their faces turned white from embarrassment and they realized I understood what they said.

I'm not just a stupid Guerra.

*Giggle*

Tell Me, Who's Watchin'

Yes, that is the stack of money with eyes from the Geico commercials. It's on our ceiling fan in the bedroom. I am patiently waiting for when The Boy lays down for bed. Hopefully he will laugh as much as I did when I placed it there.

I crack myself up.

Never Do This

Thanks. I needed some reminding since doing THAT was on today's list of things to do.


This is one of the many random yet hilarious things I encounter daily at work.

Everybody Pukes.

This isn't one of the eloquent blogs I promised.

I left work Monday due to a nasty case of food poisoning. I puked 6 times at work before lunch. After lunch I threw up on the way to the outside restroom at work, because I was physically incapable of holding it. I was delirious and feeling faint. My boss had The Boy give me a ride home (we work together) since she didn't think I should drive in my condition. It was pretty horrible but thankfully, it didn't last more than 48 hours.

I was telling someone about how I'd had to leave work early on Monday because I couldn't stop throwing up. She looked me disgusted and said something about how nasty that was, as if I had been talking graphically about it. Seriously. This look was awful, as if I'd snatched her puppy and started running. I didn't describe my vomit, I merely stated that it had happened.

Pardon me.

I didn't realize you were beyond throwing up. Last time I checked, all humans do it. Everyone poops too. But apparently some people are immune to most human qualities or actions. Do you shit skittles and burp perfume? Of course you do. I'm sorry I mentioned it and grossed you out. And perhaps you should tell your children that puking is gross, because they can totally control when they get sick and whether or not they throw up. Someone should let them know their mom will be grossed out by their body's natural reaction to illness.

I guess I'm just surprised that people can be so prude. I mean, I'M a prude when it comes to certain things, yet I am comfortable talking about poop and puke. Maybe it's because I've spent so many years taking care of children, nothing shocks me. I would imagine that people with children would have a thicker skin and a stronger stomach. This is not the case.

*Le sigh*