Where Has the Time Gone?

I have to admit, I completely forgot that this blog existed.
Completely. Forgot.

It's amazing what a year will do, and how much one changes. Since my last post in August of 2012, I have completely transformed my life. I started running, got fit, gained a voice, and got a kick-ass new job. I finally got back to my second home, the Coliseum. The A's kicked ass this year and I reunited with some super awesome friends.

Cooper is 2.5 years old, although he has the mind of a 6 year old and the sass of a teenager. He is such a smart, joyful little man and I feel lucky every time I look at him.

I can't wait to get back to writing and sharing my bizarre life with you all again.

Al

First Words

I cuss a lot. I mean, seriously, a lot. I have the mouth of a drunk sailor and don't even realize how foul my mouth is sometimes. 

This presents a problem when your child is spitting out a new word every day. Our new words this last week have been "poo poo", "keyboard", "Batman", "chicken", "kitty", "robot", "belly" and a few more. I would like to make sure he doesn't add "fuck" or "shit" to his vocabulary. 

So, I'm starting a cuss jar. A good, old fashioned cuss jar. Every time I cuss in front of Cooper, I am going to put a dollar into the cuss jar and at the end of every month, it goes to Grandpa Joe to put into Coop's college fund. I have self control, but sometimes just forget that Cooper is a baby. Sometimes he just seems like a little buddy, and I have to remember that 1) he's my child   2) I need to cool it.

I'm curious to see how much money is in the cuss jar by Friday (It's Saturday).

Time to Upgrade

A lot has happened since I last blogged. Cooper turned one. Shoot, now he's almost 18 months. I still can barely believe he's walking and he's starting to spit out new words every day. After 4.5 years of misery, I finally left the boat yard and found a new job, with a great (and fun) company. I was excited when I started, but now I realize it's pretty much the perfect job for me. I am not only learning a lot about the industry, I am able to use all of the skills I've been collecting to make things more efficient in the business and it feels damn good. And I get to take photos of our jobs sites, which is effing awesome. I finally got a bike. When I'm not in a ton of pain, I try to get out and ride a loop out on Bay Farm Island. It feels so good and I get to listen to my new music during this time. I'm seriously looking for riding buddies and am having a hard time finding them. I lost 22 lbs! The Paleo diet works, and now that I've lost the weight, I'm back to eating whatever I want, in moderation, of course. I'm at pre-pregnancy weight and it's staying off (give or take a pound or two that fluctuates back and forth)!

And now, I am enjoying the little bit of Summer that I have free. I just finished another Summer semester yesterday and have a little free time, about a month of no homework or lectures. I'd like to say that I'm going to be doing a lot during this time, but honesty, I'm probably going to sit on my ass. I have been in a lot of pain patly and haven't been feeling like doing much when I have free time. I am going to try to get a couple hikes in, a baseball game or two (GO A's!) and spend some more time with Bucko. My poor dog has been completely neglected since I found out we were breeding. Bucko has been utterly amazing and patient, and we are lucky to have such a sweet doggie.

The awesome thing about having photography be a part of my job is that I get to use my camera more and practice shooting. It's actually motivating me to shoot on my free time. I got a few shots in this weekend of my Dad's house, and I was really excited about editing them. I know they're just house shots, but I am really stoked about them. More HERE

I have decided to upgrade to a full-frame camera soon. It's an exciting thing, even if it's a little scary to spend so much on something. I feel like an idiot spending over $3,000 on a camera body (thats not including lenses, people), but I am trying to justify it as well. My current camera has paid for itself with the jobs I've gotten with it and if I actually put more effort into booking shoots, I can pay off the new camera quickly. And dammit, I'm good. I enjoy taking photos and it's the only hobby that I've actually stuck with, for years and years. I have to remember to allow myself to buy things that make me happy, if it's something that I will actually use. Isn't it beautiful? It's really a dream, and it feels good to finally have gotten to a place where I can afford to buy myself something so amazing.

Alright. Time for bed. Hopefully I will dream about the Nikon D800.

Face-lift.

After ten hours at work and two in the books, I am amazed that I am up this late. I gave this blog it's much needed face-lift and have just enough energy left to put on my pajamas.

With my current Summer inter-session ending in 5 days, I am looking forward to the time I will have to write more. It's amazing how little time I have, and I wish so badly that I had more time to enjoy things I used to enjoy. I miss photo walks, editing photos (that aren't work related), reading, cross stitching and crocheting, and blogging. Hopefully I will find a way to balance it all out soon enough. I started a new job last month (which I will touch upon when I am not falling asleep. This is a big deal.) and am finally starting to catch up. Hopefully, that will mean less time in the office and more time at home doing things I love. Eventually I would like to work four days a week. We'll see how that goes.

Tomorrow we leave for Cloverdale to visit my Dad and Step-mom.


Pictures to follow!

I found it! I found it!

After an involuntary hiatus, I am back. When I set this blog up I had the password auto-stored in my computer and never had to sign in.

Without thinking, I accidentally cleared all of the browser history and cookies and stored passwords. Needless to say, I was no longer signed in. This creates a problem when you've never written down your username and password. After a couple months of searching for the login email address, I found it. And here I am, ready to write and share my most interesting encounters.

But first, I think this blog needs a face-lift. The dark red is a little depressing, don't you think?

I will work on that tomorrow.

It's good to be back.

Motivation

I feel like I'm not very motivated to do anything that I used to love doing. I don't feel like doing my favorite crafts, it's too cold to exercise outdoors, I don't have any desire to edit photos...

I'm exhausted by the end of the day and feel like sitting on my ass with a fresh bottle of wine. But that's probably because between working full time, going to school, being a mommy of an 8 month old who is crawling everywhere and being totally sleep deprived, I'm fucking frazzled. Not just frazzled, FUCKING FRAZZLED.

On top of being fucking frazzled, I'm not a self-motivator. Especially when my plate is this full. I have to do group exercise at the gym or work out with a buddy if I'm going to work out at all. Even group exercise is not enough motivation for me these days. I love spin. I'm finally allowed to spin now after my foot surgery. Have I gone lately? Nope. I keep telling myself I'm going to walk Alameda beach both ways. Have I? Nope. I keep planning on buying canvas to paint, going to the antique fair to buy goods and start my online business, and making an effort to update my blog more. Nope, nope and nope.

So? I am now looking for fellow lazy-asses. Let's motivate each other. Come on, let's go walk Alameda beach this weekend. Ready?

I'm serious.

Confessions of a Picky Eater

I'm a picky eater.

I feel like there should be a support group for this syndrome.

It's not like picky eaters choose to be picky. In fact, I'm ashamed of it. It's not easy going somewhere when someone has cooked you a meal and picking out the mushrooms you can't stomach or the raw tomatoes that your host took the time to cut up all pretty. It's either pick them out or gag in front of the cook, risking insulting them even further. It's also not easy to go out to dinner and only have one thing on the menu sound remotely appetizing to you. I don't need all that extra hoopla on my food. I don't need a prosciutto reduction or a shaved fennel garnish nestled in a wasabi aioli that touches my already over-seasoned main course. I love the Bay Area and the East Bay has a wonderful selection of delicious restaurants that could give a foodie wet dreams.

But sometimes simple is good. Some of us are comfortable with simple. My Step-Mother is one of THEE very best cooks I know and everything she makes has very basic, whole ingredients. Asparagus soup. Crab salad in endive cups. Parmasean stuffed zucchini. Everything she makes has simple ingredients that I have 1) heard of 2) can pronounce.

Recently I have even been dipping my toes into uncharted food territory, stepping outside my comfort zone to try new things. But what the hell is wrong with good-old-fashioned salt and pepper? The pickiness started when I was a kid. My family is from the Mid-West are a meat and potatoes kinda family. Super simple meals adorn the table every night. Green beans. Mashed potatoes. Pork chops from the grill. Corn. Mac and Cheese. An occasional pizza casserole. But you get the idea.

On top of that simple food background, I had a very scary food allergy experience a few years back. I ate a meal I used to frequently consume (a burrito from my favorite joint) and broke out in very scary NFL-regulation-football-sized hives that covered my body from head to toe. To this day, I still don't know what caused it or what sort of cross-contamination occurred when preparing my super simple burrito that landed me in the emergency room. I am severely allergic to kiwi and borderline allergic to mango and pineapple. If I ask you what is in your salad dressing or marinade, it's not personal. I'm not testing your culinary abilities and I'm sure what you've prepared is amazing. I'm just a paranoid-ass (borderline OCD) girl who had a few bad food experiences and would rather watch her son graduate than die of anaphylaxis. Is that unreasonable? I don't think so. To me, it's realistic.

So between the legit food allergy scares and the uncontrollable gag reflex, I am a self-admitted hot mess when it comes to food options.

Forgive me. I assure you, I have many other fine qualities that will make up for this unfortunate quality of mine.

Getting Back to the Old Me

Alas!

The momentous occasion has arrived. My surgery was completed this morning and I am on my was to becoming the old me. Not just physically, but mentally as well. You see, I have had a problem with my foot since before my pregnancy. As of recent, I have been unable to be consistently active. Walks along Alameda beach were out and the only exercise that didn't send waves up my pain was swimming, which I'm pretty shitty at.

Now? All I can think about is how in 2-3 weeks, these bandages will be off and I will be active once again.

I have started an Etsy account for my online store, Abodeable. I will be selling vintage and hand crafted housewares. My first scouting mission will be October 2nd and it can't come soon enough. But for now, I will be resting so that I heal perfectly and can get back to the Old Me as soon as possible.

She's Crafty

The stress of being super busy all the time is winding down. I've started some crafty projects that I'll be sharing soon and of course, have 153,958 other things on my plate as well. School starts in 5 days and work isn't slowing down. Cooper is obviously still in need of the majority of my time. That leaves me little ME time... but I'm getting used to it.

I've found ways to have time to myself. At night, before bed, I've been finding time to read. Sometimes only a page or two at a time, but I'm still getting some reading in. After the baby goes to bed I occasionally treat myself to a glass (more like half glass) of wine and put my feet up.

When the baby naps, I've been working on various crafts. I started an Etsy store and with the help of my Step-Mother, Kelley, I will be stocking the virtual shelves shortly. I'm super excited to start this adventure. I will mainly be focusing on home decor, but will dabble with whatever I get my hands on for a while. Kelley is a very successful ex-high school teacher turned corporate executive, who deals antiques on the side. We're going to take our first trip together to the Alameda Point Antique fair in early September to get some ideas and start shopping. I've named the store Abodable.

I'm super excited to start school. Every class I complete gets me closer to my goal and means I get to move on to yet another class to "make my bitch". Starting Monday, intermediate Algebra will be my bitch (I love saying that).

When I find I have down time these days, I'm almost bored. I'm starting to enjoy being busy all the time and having my phone's "to-do" app filled with different lists. It makes like exciting.

Operation Slim Down

Now that my darling Cooper is gong to be 5 months, it’s dawned on me that once I cut down on his nursing (by giving him more solids), I won’t be burning as many calories as I am now. Therefore, I need to stop eating like a glutton. Moderation isn't working for me right now. I have been eating whatever I want, whenever I want while nursing. This includes dairy and meat, both of which I was supposed to cut down on a while back. I’ve lost 45 lbs of my baby weight and have 10-15 more lbs to go. I may not be gaining weight, but I’ve stopped losing weight and I will be in trouble once I’m not burning that extra 300 calories per feeding. It doesn’t help that I’ve stopped exercising. I am not able to walk as much as I used to or go to spin class at the moment, as I’m waiting to have surgery on my foot.

It’s ridiculous to be complaining and whining about not losing weight when you eat the way I’ve been eating. Since I’ve been nursing, my body has been craving foods I’ve never cared for in my life. I constantly crave soda and cheese.

My solution? To stop being lazy and take care of myself. Here are a few guidelines I will try to follow starting Monday:

No fried food. That’s simple.
No white flours.I don’t eat much white flour, but even the occasional white flour bread makes me feel bloated. Time to switch back to whole grain and only whole grain.
No processed foods. In other words, if I can’t pronounce it, I’m not eating it.
No soda. My beloved Root Beer will have to wait for birthdays.
No meat. ...With the exception of fish and occasional free range chicken/turkey/pork. Red meat is no bueno and pork, although white meat, contributes to endometrial growth.
No dairy.I was supposed to have cut this out long ago as well. Shame on me for cheating. This means I will have to give up my morning lattes. It will save me some money too. Soy is off limits with endometriosis (it promotes excess estrogen production)

I’m starting to step-up my water intake already. Lots and lots of water. Hopefully this will help my skin out as well.

D-Day is August 1st. Until then, I will slowly be getting used to my new (actually reclaimed) eating habits. It's not a diet, it's just healthier choices. It’s time to take care of business and get healthy. I hope to start swimming next week with Tara, if I can find a bathing suit that fits these disgustingly large boobs that I’ve become stuck with (It’s pretty difficult to find a bathing suit for a G cup when you’re a size 10 in pants).

Wish me luck. I hope to not be posting a blog like this again in 3 months. Let’s hope it sticks.

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Finding Time to Breathe

Alright. I'm overwhelmed.

I have officially packed too many things on my plate and I'm full.

Being a mommy, a student, working full time, having a dog, managing a garden and trying to keep the house clean is proving to be too much stuff to handle at the moment. I don't have time to exercise. I don't have time to shoot photos. I barely have time to keep up on my hygiene. I read my school lectures and for my essays while on pump-breaks at work. My toes are in need of new polish and I've been trying to find time to repaint them for over a week, only to find myself doing something else that needs to be done instead. I am sleep deprived and running on empty.

I feel like I'll never be done with school and it's very discouraging. Taking one or two classes per semester is going to get me nowhere fast. If I could manage to work part time I could fit a few more classes in every semester... but that's pretty much impossible when you have a child, daycare expenses, are under paid and live in the super-expensive Bay Area. I'm going to keep plugging away at the super-slow pace I'm currently running at and hopefully I'll find a solution soon.

It's important to me that Cooper knows I worked hard to get through school. It's important to me to be able to tell him that it's possible to accomplish great things, even with hurdles and barriers in the way. I never want him to ask me why I didn't finish school or why I stopped, so I'm going to continue, even if it takes me For-ev-er.

Uuuuh.

It's Finally Complete.

But for real this time. My darling Mandy picked me up some Tibetan prayer flags and they are the icing on the cake. Now it just needs to keep growing.

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Transformations

I have had some serious mommy brain (which I'm convinced is a continuation of pregnancy brain), but believe it or not I am even flightier than usual (yes, it's possible). I am a first class space cadet. But there are many things that are different these days. I've noticed many changes in myself since this journey to motherhood began. Sometimes I'm shocked when I realize something else that's changed. Motherhood agrees with me and I feel like I've improved as a person. Here's a few things that are different about me:

Patience - When I start to get frustrated in a line or with an obnoxious person, I hear myself thinking "calm down, be patient" all the time. Little things don't frazzle me like they used to. People who used to make me want to rip my hair out don't bother me so much anymore.

Body Temperature - I find that the AC at work doesn't bother me as much as it used to. I get hot easier at home too. I feel like I'm 5 degrees hotter at any given time.

I'm one of those mom's that are obsessed with their child. My desk is cluttered with photos of my child and he's not even 4 months old yet. Before I know it there will be drawings and macaroni art projects stuck to the wall, that everyone else will think is hideous. I seriously think about Cooper all day at work and patiently wait for 5:00 to hit.

More protective. I try to avoid the freeway more than I did before. I never let the baby sit in the sun (since he can't have sunscreen yet). I watch every step I take, especially when carrying the baby. I think about every decision twice now, because I'm not the only person who is affected by the things I do.

I'm always prepared. I have everything we might need, in case we need it. Extra diapers, sun hat, squeaky toy... you get the picture. It's rare that I don't have a solution for a problem these days.

Multi-tasker extraordinaire. I have found that the easiest time to surf the web is while nursing. I have also become great at doing 2-5 things simultaneously. I can cook dinner, warm a bottle and rock the baby all at once. Edit photos while burping the baby. Pump while writing a paper for school. I amaze myself sometimes.

I'm more assertive, less timid. My tail is no longer between my legs. I seem to stick up for myself more than before. I'm not a jerk about it, but I like to let people know when they've crossed the line.

Calmer and at peace. I am content with myself these days. I love the person I've become. I don't stress of dumb shit anymore. The co-worker that hates me doesn't bother as much and since I've let go my anxiety over the situation, the workplace has become a much more pleasant environment. I enjoy simple things, like laying in the back yard while listening to birds or walking through the neighborhood while looking at the neighbor's gardens. Life amazes me and I love to enjoy every minute.

I don't feel like partying as often. Don't get me wrong, I'm going to party once-in-a-while. Going out seems like a much bigger deal when you rarely do it. I refuse to be one of those moms who leave their kids with Grandma and go out twice every weekend. I haven't had a drop of alcohol since finding out I was pregnant and the baby is four months old now. I feel guilty just being at the nail salon, like I'm missing out on valuable time with the baby. I truly enjoy laying on the ground and babbling with Cooper and could do it for hours. I love being at home with my family.

Kinder and more considerate. It's important to me to spread kindness. I try to compliment people more, to start small conversations in the line at the coffee shop, to suggest books to people at the book store, to bring someone a small gift when they least expect it. I hope little things like this and simple actions contribute to more happiness in the world.

More ambitions - I have this strong need to work hard. School was more of a hobby before. For the first time I actually see myself graduating. It may still take me a while but I am more determined than ever to be an example to my son and most importantly, prove to myself I can do it while working full time and being a mommy.

A Bath for the Birdies

For the last few weeks I've been searching high and low for items to make a bird bath with, for my bay-Friendly Garden. The coalition members are coming this Sunday and I want it to be set up and functional before they get here!

We went to Urban Ore to try to find materials to make a bird bath and ended up having a miserable experience. I looked at new bird baths online, not finding one I liked for under $250.

I decided to go to TJ Maxx, to see if I couldn't find a really awesome bowl to use for the bath. Ladies and Gentlemen, I found exactly what I was looking for, at the low price of $7.99. It's a thick glass bowl with metal paint on the bottom:


I ordered a bird bath stand online for $19 buckaroos:

And collected some cool stones from around the neighborhood (so the birdies don't slip):

And we have ourselves a bird bath!

The metal paint on the bottom reflects sun rays and keeps the water at a nice temperature for the birdies, somewhere around room temperature.

The best part? I did this all for under $30. Much better than $250, and I got exactly what I wanted.

Relief

Breastfeeding has officially become effortless. (*And the crowd cheers*) I now prefer to breastfeed over giving the baby a bottle of breast milk. Much like the baby blues, the scariest part of breastfeeding was not knowing when it would get better.

It seems to be much more common than I thought and I've noticed that many of my large-breasted friends have this problem. I went from a large D to a G overnight. My new gargantuan breasts were cracked and bleeding around the clock, and it felt as if I was carrying around throbbing boulders.

It took me almost 3 months and 5 lactation consultants to get comfortable with breastfeeding. It didn't hurt that long, but that's when I started feeling confident with breastfeeding. I realize now that all I really needed to do was relax. I almost gave up a hundred times. I kept telling myself, "I just have to get to two months". Once I was there, it felt easier so I stuck it out a little longer. Now my goal is to get to 6 months and with the way things are going, we will probably get the once seemingly unobtainable goal of a year.

Now, I nurse Cooper all day and try to only give him a bottle of breast milk if we're out and about, or right before bed (he gets full fast and sleeps through the night). Since I have large breasts, I don't always feel comfortable whipping out a boob when in public, even with the feeding cover I have. It's rather difficult for me to situate and I usually end up flashing someone some titty.

I am so happy I stuck it out. I have so much respect for nursing mothers now. It's easy to feel hopeless when it comes to breastfeeding and there is a saddening sense of guilt associated with not being a master breast feeder; both from inside and from people who don't know what you're going through and are quick to judge.

So, bravo new mommies, bravo.

Unwinding the Tightly Wound

My son Cooper will be three months a few days from now and I can just now feel myself begin to chill out. I didn't realize until now how tightly wound up and frazzled I was for the first couple months after Cooper was born. I am still learning to take it easy and not get frustrated with certain things.

A very important role model gave me the best advice, and it was simple. "Go with the flow" she said. "Don't stress about the little things because the time goes by fast". I have been repeating "go with the flow" to myself when I start to get stressed, if something doesn't go as planned, or if Cooper has a meltdown (which is rare). It's easier said than done, especially if you're as anal as I am. But I'm getting better.

Breastfeeding has gotten easier. I was feeling so hopeless, but now I realize how proud of myself I am for sticking it out. My son has gotten the best head-start possible because I wouldn't give up. I made it work, even if I had to do it differently.

We're sleeping again. Cooper recently started sleeping through the night, just when I thought I'd never sleep a full night again.

It all gets easier, even when it starts to feel like you're a sucky mommy for complaining so much.

It truly brings tears to my eyes when I think about the last three months, from the day I was induced until now. It saddens me to see how fast the time has gone. On the other hand, it brings me more joy than I could ever describe to see Cooper change and grow. I was listening to the children's radio station yesterday with Cooper and dancing with him. "What a wonderful world" came on and we slow danced while I sang along, teary eyed. At that exact moment I realized how precious life really is.

Now I just need to focus on my health so I can be strong and active for my little bruiser. The most important thing about this condition is to relax. Stress has been a major contributor to my condition in the past and I need to do whatever I can to make my life less stressful and enjoy every second possible. I know what steps I need to take and what changes in my life need to happen.

Life is good. Very good.

We're Growing!!

I'm pretty enamoured with my garden. I love seeing hard work pay off. In the raised bed we have a lot going on! Below, we have cilantro, spinach, arugula, butter lettuce, Italian parsley, zucchini, basil, and jalapeno.


My Bay Friendly garden is coming along as well. I am so proud of it. I have only drought-resistant plants and California natives. Below, we have Lupin, Nemesia, Monkey Flower, Heuchera, Australian tea tree and Beard Tongue. I also sprinkled California Golden Poppy seed around, we'll see if it grows. I can't wait for the plants to get bigger. Next, I'm going to dig a small trench and put in a brick border. I am so excited for my garden!

Two Door Cinema Club

I heard this on Soundcheck last night. I love it!

Two Door Cinema Club - What You Know from CANADA on Vimeo.

Barley and Black Bean Salad

My dinner was amazing tonight and I thought I'd share it with you all. It was super easy to make.

Tonights tasty Barley and Black Bean Salad includes:

3 cups cooked pearl barley
1 cup cooled black beans
1/4 cup chopped cilantro
1/2 cup unsalted, roasted sunflower seeds
1/4 cup sliced almonds
2 chopped scallions
1 can Trader Joes artichoke hearts (in water), chopped
Sea salt to taste
Two cap fulls of Newman's Lite Sundried Tomato Vinaigrette (or your choice of vinaigrette)

Damn that was good.

Big Jet Plane

I'm in love with this song, even if it is on a Maybelline commercial.

Angus and Julia Stone - Big Jet Plane from kirill dolmatov on Vimeo.